So, I found this topic now: How To: Call REST API from Hyperlink Tiles (Syntax)
… And I’m not sure how I missed it before. I’ll dive into that when I have a little more time. I’m definitely not doing this, but it looks like perhaps I should be.
That said, if there’s anything special about my use case above or anything I asked that is unanswered in that topic, I’m still all ears. I tend to want to learn everything and figure out “the best” way before I get in and just create a bunch of stuff.
Thanks!